Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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