I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
