did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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