based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
