a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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