If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
