i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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