fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
