my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
