I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
