I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
