i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
