so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
