I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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