and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
