nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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