sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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