that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
