happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
