He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
