Jerry, you need to find god
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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