i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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