Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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