He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
