i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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