I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
