i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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