About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize