That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're too hungover to prance.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
