I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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