just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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