I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize