direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
