If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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