I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
