shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
