mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think people are normalizing furries
Dear god my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
