Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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