I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
