Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
