roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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