I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
