My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Boobs speak an international language.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
