I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
