life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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