Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
