Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
