You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
