Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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