i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
