youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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