Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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