one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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