So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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