I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
