So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You can't just leave with hair like that
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
