I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
