This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize