This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
