His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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