Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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