you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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