i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
