I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
