i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
