if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
