dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
