Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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