I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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