You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
