his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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