I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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