i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize