you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
