Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
