every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
