i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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