Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
