Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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