Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
