YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
