I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
