Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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