Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
