Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This baby is an asshole
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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