Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
