You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
