you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
